Frozen Food Review: Totino’s Pizza Rolls, Combination

Details: More information can be found at

Score: 4/10

Totino’s Pizza Rolls is one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten. The dough tastes like cardboard. The tomato, cheese and whatever mystery meat they put inside tastes spoiled. This was just all around awful. The only redeeming aspect of this product is it’s convenience. If you’re starving, nothing is open and you need something quick to eat, microwaving a bunch of these things will let you survive, though the burning cheese and tomato sauce inside will likely burn the roof of your mouth.

Overall, don’t buy this. There are a lot of similarly priced frozen foods you can purchase that taste better and will satisfy inconvenient hunger.

Snack Review: Hot Pockets Sandwiches Pepperoni Pizza

Details: Official site is

Score: 6.4/10

Hot Pockets get the job done when you’re starving, they just aren’t very big nor are they very good. Melted cheese is one of those ingredients that easily improves any food and I think they doubled down on that here.

I purchased this item simply to throw in my freezer and save for days where I was starving and didn’t want to go outside. That’s it. Hot Pockets aren’t delicious, they are desperate. This is desperation food. You eat this when you are absorbed in a video game and refuse to leave your seat. You eat this when there’s a blizzard or pandemic going on and all businesses are closed. You don’t eat this when there are a ton of other options available.

I bought a box of these where each individual pocket costs a little over a dollar. I have no idea whether that is or is not a good price. I think it’s decent since the average price a slice of pizza in New York City has risen to about three dollars, though there are many places that still sell the $1 slice.

Overall, don’t buy these if you want something tasty. Buy these things for the days when your desperate.

Fast Food Review: Papa John’s Cheese Sauce

Details: Official site is

Score: 7/10

I think the most surprising thing about this sauce is that it actually has a little heat to it. I don’t know if it’s the Jack cheese or peppers, but it’s there. The most confusing thing about this sauce is that even though it’s good, I’m not really sure what to put it on. It’s kind of redundant on pizza since there’s already cheese. It’s kind of a spicy Cheez Wiz… so I guess it would go best with something Philly Cheesesteak tasting.

Fast Food Review: Papa John’s Spicy Garlic Sauce

Details: Official site is

Score: 7/10

Papa John’s Spicy Garlic Sauce is the improvement needed for the already popular garlic sauce. It’s got decent spice, which is something the original garlic sauce could always use more of. If given a choice, I’d choose this sauce almost all the time.

Fast Food Review: Papa John’s Philly Cheesesteak Papadia

Details: Official site is

Score: 6.3/10

The Papadia is literally a pizza folded in half. If you buy a papadia and unfold it, you will find that it is a literal pizza prepared in the exact same way as any other Papa John’s pizza. It’s a slightly smaller, thinner pizza, but still a pizza. I want to say that this is some form of deception, but what else do you expect from a fast food pizza place.

As for the taste… it tastes like any other pizza minus tomato sauce. You get a dipping sauce that comes with it. You should also keep in mind how soggy this thing can get. Because it’s a much thinner pizza folded in half, the oil from the cheese and other fillings soak through easier and leak out easier.

Overall, skip this thing and just a get a pizza. A papadia is just a small pizza folded in half. It actually tastes worse than your average pizza because of the smaller size and the fold.